(see more pictures in the end of the blog post)
I used to blog the way I draw now. I just started writing something and words came easy for me. I did not draw at all back then. I was a writing kind of person. I wrote on a daily basis, all kinds of stuff: blog posts, articles, ideas, letters.
Then a depression got me and I stopped writing and started drawing. But when the depression was over the words did not come back. My mind did not function like it used to. And I was busy drawing anyway. I've since then been diagnosed with fibromyalgia and one of the things that affects me the most is - besides being tired - that I feel 'cognitively challenged'. I have trouble remembering words, I forget easily and can't concentrate for long without being super tired and then I need to sleep. Often several times a day. Sometimes not for long, but my brain shuts down and needs rest.
I'm glad I got back to drawing again. It's a huge unexpected gift in my life, but I miss being able to gather my thoughts. My mind often feels like a pinball machine of thoughts. When it's really bad I can physically feel the pressure in my head. It's not a headache. It's a pressure that makes me unable to go from thought to action. I feel paralized in a way.
I'm calling this blog 'The faculty of imagining' because the idea of imagining something - in all aspects of life - is essential for me. I guess for all of us, really. What would life be without imagination, without imagining things?
On a personal level I have two projects of imagining that I want to focus on. One is my blog. I'm imagining that getting back to writing in some extend can be helpful for my brain. Second project is my new greenhouse. Well, it's really not new. It used to belong to our neighbor but for several years she did not use it and I caught myself constantly looking into her garden, imagining what a life with a greenhouse would be. I ended up asking her if she would sell it and she said yes. Double happiness.
I don't know how much we have saved buying it from her, it needed new glass for the top windows, lots of bits and pieces were missing, but I still like the idea of recycling what was already there, knowing she used to enjoy spending time in the greenhouse. We even got a wine from her which should give the best grapes. The greenhouse has good karma...
It took some time to get the greenhouse up. We got the bricks for the floor from my mother who lives an hour away from us. She has a greenhouse too. It required some driving back and forth to get all the bricks to our place. But now the greenhouse is up and I had no idea how much I was going to love that little space.
The greenhouse is up, with room for a little veggie garden outside
I have the ability to kill almost any plant. At least I used to. Usually because I forget to give them water. My house is full of things I have to remember like any modern family: laundry, making food, cleaning, calling doctors etc. And my mind is full of random thoughts not connecting. I simply forget the plants in this inferno of things I have to remember and organise, physically or mentally. And then they die right in front of me and I often don't notice until the plant is brown and dusty.
This is where the greenhouse comes in handy. I keep it nice and clean (it's been up for 3 days but anyway...), there's no laundry or to-do lists lying around. It's a Zen-space. I go there to relax and to focus on the plants. We have flowers and all sorts of eatable things: tomatoes, chili, salat, melon, grapes. I keep it simple and beautiful unlike my house which is most often a mess. The flowers are important for me artistically. I'll use them for drawing inspiration. The veggie part is indeed about imagining and watching things grow.
I may not be able to gather my thoughts throughout the day but the greenhouse space is becoming a place I can go to to quiet my mind. At least for a moment.
The garden outside the greenhouse isn't that big, but still it's big enough for me to get easily overwhelmed. What's to keep and what's to remove? How do you handle an appletree?... it's like level 7 in gardening and I'm on level 1.
Small things growing in pots in the greenhouse
When we first moved in 7 years ago I had tons of plans for the garden, only I never saw myself in the process of creating the garden I wanted. I just imagined it being done. I was all in my head in every aspect of my life. And then life got in the way and there wasn't any energy to focus on the garden anyway. Now I'm getting aware of the importance of being present in the things I'm imagining. And it starts with 7 squaremeters of gardeing, mostly in pots and jars. Within a few months the greenhouse will be a green cave. Can you imagine how exited I am?
Is this eatable??